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[daniel]

Cytat:10 Footballers who wouldn’t visit prostitutes

Michael Owen - too serious. A hunch suggests that Michael Owen would be put out just buying a round of drinks for a table for two, let alone forking out for a dirty leg up.

Theo Walcott - too polite. Possibly terrified of his own genitals.

Kaka - too religious. Were Kaka to somehow find himself in the company of a hooker, it would only be to talk at length about the path to redemption.

Craig Bellamy - too opinionated. Regardless of his maverick nature, it’s hard to imagine Craig Bellamy being remotely impressed by a young lady looking to dole out cheap thrills for hard cash. Jog on, love.

Sol Campbell - too sensitive. Sol has the look of a man who likes to curl up into a ball and weep after sex. Most prostitutes wouldn’t tolerate that kind of behaviour.

Paul Scholes - too shy. It hardly requires a mountain of self-confidence to visit a hooker, but something about Paul Scholes suggests that he would even struggle to buy a grotty magazine without totally freaking out and sprinting home to shout at himself in the mirror.

Dirk Kuyt - too normal. Kuyt’s wife, Gertrude, broke the WAG mould when she kept on her nursing job after marrying the handsome Liverpool winger/striker/midfielder. And, like his wife, Dirk’s just not the type.

James Milner - too focused. With a face that belongs in a comic strip about the army, were an opportunist hooker to have a crack at James Milner, he/she would be met with total bewilderment. He would be paying for WHAT now?

Petr Cech - too nice. Unlike most of the strutting peacocks in the Premier League, Petr Cech seems like the kind of man who could be left alone with your wife/girlfriend without suggesting a quick shag.

Owen Hargreaves - too injury prone. So unlucky, Owen Hargreaves presumably sits still for hours on end, petrified by the thought of causing further damage to his fragile body.